Heartbreak… oh heartbreak… it breaks my heart just to write this word as I know that right now, millions of people are suffering and wondering how to heal a broken heart.
It’s a universal experience. I’ve been there too. More than once.
If you’re reading this, you’ve probably been there as well.
Heartbreak is often linked to the end of a romantic relationship, however, there are so many events and experiences that can break your heart. Think of a job loss or the death of a family member or friend. All of these can leave you feeling profoundly hurt and take you to a deep state of devastating emotional loss. You can get the sense of never being able to get past the pain.
What does heartbreak feel like?
While different for all of us, there are some common symptoms of a broken heart.
Broken heart symptoms
- sadness,
- grief,
- anguish,
- distress,
- anger,
- confusion,
- rejection,
- loneliness,
- worthless,
- emptiness,
- hopelessness
A broken heart can also trigger physical reactions such as loss (or increase) of appetite, nausea, vomiting, headache, low energy and disruptive sleep.
Heartbreak can make you feel as bad as you have ever felt.
It seems that no one can help you and your world will never be the same.
Coping with the end of a relationship
In this post I am going to focus on heartbreak caused by the loss of a romantic relationship and how to heal a broken heart.
I’ve had my heart broken several times but there was a particular time when it literally felt as my World had faded away. At the time I didn’t know but I had met my twin flame. I was familiar with the concept of soulmates but not twin flames. This experience actually led to my spiritual awakening, which completely changed my life.
I believe that one of the greatest opportunities to figure out who we really are comes in the wake of a heartbreak.
Today I am able to say that having my heart broken by this person was the best thing that has ever happened to me. However, as this is not a post about twin flames, I will leave this story for another time. For now, I’d like to focus on sharing some of my experience of dealing with a broken heart.
You might be aware that along with breaking up a relationship it often also comes the loss of a relationship with your ex’s mutual friends, and your ex’s family. In some divorce cases, you might also lose your home or car. It’s not only about broken dreams, your life can literally start to fall apart. Coping with these losses may be one of the hardest things you ever have to do.
When we invest hearts, our time and our money into building a life with someone, we are feeding our hope and building expectations.
These are expectations of how someone else is supposed to act, feel and behave. However, these expectations are not always met and that’s when the breakup usually happens.
Whether you were in a relationship for three months or thirty years, I would like you to know that you won’t feel this way forever, though. You can heal a broken heart. There is hope! You might not see it now because you are blinded by your pain.
There are many ways to heal a broken heart. I know that it sounds easier said than done but if you are willing, you will put all the pieces together again.
Healing a broken heart
A breakup cannot only destroy your happiness but also make you lose hope of ever finding love again. It often makes you feel like you are not lovable. You might not want to do much of anything but lay in bed and ache. It will seem like there’s nothing you can do and no one can help you.
Recognizing that healing a broken heart is a process that requires some time will help you with living your new life one day at a time.
So how can you heal a broken heart?
As a first step, you need to give yourself permission to grieve.
Most people try to avoid this by distracting themselves with overworking, substance abuse, partying, drinking, etc. I’ve done it myself. It looks like a great way to escape reality when it is too painful. There’s also an incredible temptation to replace what is gone – to fill the blank space. You might feel tempted to run out to date or hook up with the next guy or girl you meet.
However, you will need time and space for grieving and actually dealing with it head-on. So if you can, take a couple of days off work, especially if you are in shock immediately after the breakup.
By rising up to the challenge of dealing with the pain, you will be free from it in the time it takes rather than lingering on it forever.
Grieving a breakup
Though everyone experiences grief uniquely, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross says there are five common stages of grief:
- Denial (inability to accept reality),
- Anger (frustration, resentment),
- Bargaining (pleading to God),
- Depression (sadness, hopelessness),
- Acceptance.
Emotions are like someone knocking on your door to deliver a message.
If you don’t answer, it keeps knocking until you do open up. Instead of bottling up your emotions or pushing yourself to move forward quickly, take time to acknowledge how you are feeling. Suppressing what you feel is robotic and may seem like a good idea in the short term but is sure to come out in another way. It can lead to unwanted long-term consequences, such as bitterness, fear, poor self image or a jaded view of relationships.
That’s why it’s important that you observe these emotions as you move through these different stages.
Open the door to your feelings, be curious about your thoughts, behaviours, and physical sensations.
It will allow you to understand them. Try to just let things be as they are, without trying to control or change them.
Often when we are suffering from a broken heart we tend to be anxious about the Future or obsess over the Past. That’s a natural reaction. Try to become rooted in the Present moment.
Meditation is a great tool that can help you with focusing on the Present moment and observing your emotions.
If you haven’t tried yet, you will be surprised how it will help you practicing gratitude for your Present moment and shift your life perspective. When we are rooted in the Present moment, that’s when we feel our best.
Avoid comparing your grieve to that of others as heartbreak and grieving aren’t a competition.
Grief is not the same for everyone and it has no timetable. Give yourself all the time you need to heal your broken heart.
If you find that your grief is too much to bear on your own, talk to family and friends. Therapy can also be a wonderful resource of support. A mental health professional can assist you through the process and help you work through painful emotions. Even just a few sessions can help you develop some new coping tools.
Focus on the learnings
You cannot always control what happens to you, but you can control what you do with it.
Some people are only supposed to come into our life for a brief period.
That doesn’t mean we should dismiss their presence and diminish the role they played. Although they might have been only temporary, the lessons they taught you will last forever.
Stop asking how and when the pain will end, instead, focus on what you have learned.
There is a lesson in every goodbye and your wounds will make you wiser. Each love is a new love and a learning experience. You love a little differently each and every time.
What you learn, what you become and what you experience is a blessing.
With every experience, you become stronger.
You become more confident in the relationship you want and learn to never settle for love again as you revaluate what is truly important to you. You accept the lesson gracefully and let go of the Past. You let your Past make you better, not bitter.
Take care of yourself
When in the midst of heartbreak, it’s easy to forget to take care of ourselves. It is important to preserve your energy so make an effort to eat healthy nutritious foods and stay hydrated.
Go to the gym or just for a jog in the park. Physical activity increases the amount of serotonin in the brain, which acts like a natural antidepressant and improves your mood.
Spend some time in Nature. Research has found that it can improve your mental and physical health.
Get out to some beautiful scenery whenever possible.
Read self-help books or watch self-help videos. It helps knowing that others have gone through similar experiences and come out on the other side.
Find things to laugh about.
Laughter is one of life’s best medicines.
Take some time to engage in activities that make you laugh or watch comedies.
Lose yourself in what you’re passionate about, whether it’s writing, drawing, singing, dancing, it will help you heal.
If it gives you comfort, connect with your spirituality. Meditation is a great way to start.
Embrace your new you and opportunities
One day you will look back and be thankful that certain people, opportunities and things were removed from your life. It might look that it’s far away because during heartbreak we usually are too busy worrying about what we lost, rather than looking at all the opportunities we have available now that there’s space for them.
This open space can be the precursor to the greatest blessings you have ever seen. The most important of all, it’s the fact that it allows you to find yourself, your true self.
Sometimes it takes hardship to shake you in order to wake you up. That’s what happened to me personally. My spiritual awakening was triggered after having my heart broken by my twin flame. This was the greatest blessing of my life.
Often we see ourselves in the context of the relationship and forget that we are fully functional and complete beings.
We do not need a significant other to define us and to lead a significant life. We don’t need approval from one specific person to find love. There are so many other sources of love and the main one is self-love.
As you learn to love and accept yourself just as you are, you discover you are really quite lovable and you allow people to love you.
Remember, the most important relationship we have in this life is with ourselves.
Having time to be on our own allows us to get used to our own company again.
Enjoy your company!
Don’t be afraid of love
Sometimes after heartbreak, you could fall into the trap of remaining convinced that your ex is the only person you could ever love. If you really think about it, you will realize that what you liked the most about your ex, can actually be found in someone else. There are billions of people living in this Planet.
When we surrender and simply accept that the Past is behind us we are more likely to meet someone that resonates at the same energy level we are at.
I noticed that whenever I was at a stage in my life when I hated my job, I would attract people that also hated their job. When I felt insecure about my body, I attracted people who felt the same about theirs. And finally, when I met my twin flame I was not over my ex, and he was not over his ex either. Reflect on your previous relationships and see if you find any similar patterns. Being at the right energy vibration is essential to attract positive and healthy relationships.
Even if your previous relationship did not last, it prepared you for the one that will. One thing ends so another beautiful thing can begin.
You just need to make sure that you do not enter your next relationship guarded, making negative predictions, and pushing your partner away.
Remember that you are worthy of love. And that in time, it will find you again.
It’s time to step out of the memories, leave them behind, and start a new life.
Loving is always a risk, but I found that it is an even bigger risk not to love at all.
Love and light x
